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Trigger Happy Jack you're gonna blow, but I'm gonna get off before you go...

12 November 1986
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"When I was walking up the stair, I saw a man that wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd go away." - from the movie Identity

Marriage is love.

Support love.

I am deeply in love with a beautiful woman named Raina. So back up y'all, she's mine!

I have gotten away from the whole blogging thing for way too long, and I'm going to do my best to stay in it now that I'm back. I never even realized before how much it helps me to just write my thoughts down. Feedback isn't required, but it is much enjoyed and very often helpful.

I always used to say that I hate myself, but I can't anymore. I've been depressed for way too long, and I don't want to sink back in. I've got quite a bit of good things going for me, and I will forever cherish those things that I hold dear. And I must always remember that nothing is trivial. Sometimes things that seem so small are really the only things that are big enough to keep me sane. I am not a strong person, but I try to be strong for the people I care about. I love children. I talk to animals and inanimate objects because they listen to me. Yes, they do talk back to me. They talk back to everyone, most people just don't listen. I try to be myself, but it's not always easy. I am extremely open minded. I have scars all over me, but the deepest and most painful ones are the memories, the scars in my mind and heart. I have trouble telling the difference between real life and my dreams. I'm not even sure there is a difference. I believe that everything is possible. I think differently than most people. They ask, "why?" And I ask, "why not?" They say, "prove to me that it's real." I say, "prove to me that it isn't." I believe that everything is beautiful, but not everyone can see it. Just because some people can't see the beauty in something, that doesn't mean it isn't there. I think too much. I cry a lot, sometimes for no reason at all. I feel that I don't need a reason to cry. I'm scared of a lot of things. I have severe automatronophobia. I often have trouble starting conversations, but I can talk forever if it's something I am very passionate about. I read everyday. I write everyday.

I stare deep into your eyes and I see someone I barely recognize
a face I have known all my life, but never really wanted to meet in the first place
I stare deep into your eyes and I see the heart of a child
with a love and hope for this bleak world that I will never understand
I stare deep into your eyes and I see all of the pain you keep inside
and I wonder why you ever had to change from the little girl I once knew
I stare deep into your eyes and I see a beauty trapped inside a beast
my own worst enemy and also my very best friend
I stare deep into your eyes and I see tears silenced by a broken heart
I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do
I stare deep into your eyes and I realize that what I am seeing is nothing more than an empty reflection in a broken mirror

I wrote that poem about myself a while ago. It is without a doubt the most personal thing I have ever written because it tells so much about me.

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